week 5 [25th Nov-1 Dec]
Wai po has left for Australia so now it’s just H, wai gong, me, and helper at home most of the time (N is at work during the days). Beautiful sunrise photos by wai gong. Here are some home pics since little baby doesn’t get to go out much so does his mommy.
Typing this 5 weeks 4 days (on 29th November 2019, Friday, the day after Thanksgiving).
To be honest, this week baby has been giving me the opposite of a sense of satisfaction in being his mom. It feels like our interaction is only giving him milk–most of the time in which he has his eyes closed and once he’s done, he gets transferred away for burping. I don’t receive any attentive or calm gaze from H recently when I carry him. Most of the time, he’s fussing and I wonder if I don’t carry him in a comfortable manner or why he does not recognise my voice when I talk to him (all the articles say that my baby is supposed to know my voice and smell well but I don’t sense it with H?)
So yea, I don’t feel particularly tired this week in that I collapse into daytime naps happily whenever I get a chance, but I don’t feel the satisfaction of motherhood as much. I stopped taking as many photos of H. I don’t know. It’s probably because wai po left for Australia already and no one is giving me the boosts of yummy food and happy cooing about how cute H is and it doesn’t help that I feel like my son is responding to someone else better than to me.